]FROM FAMILY TO KINDERGARTEN – an easy way to go through the process of adaptation

How stressful is starting kindergarten?

Starting kindergarten represents not only an important period in the process of child development, but also a great change in the whole family’s functioning. Although this event is an integral part of almost every child’s life, it can often be very stressful because it requires adaptation of both children and parents to new circumstances. We will realize that starting kindergarten is an important event in children’s lives if we are aware that it entails their first real obligation, similar to the one that mums and dads have to fulfil when they prepare for work every day, or the one that siblings fulfil when they go to school.

Certain researches show that the process of adaptation is sometimes more stressful for parents (particularly mums) than it is for children. These data are understandable, for kindergartens often imply the first longer separation, as well as modification of roles that have been played by parents until then and that are now taken by preschool teachers to a great extent. As for stress that parents suffer from in the process of children’s adaptation to kindergarten, the most stressful changes, according to experts, are those relating to changes in children’s daily routines (sleep disorder, food refusal, changes in the behavior…) as well as changes concerning their health condition (frequent colds and illnesses). Until their encounter with kindergarten, children usually stay in a protected environment and conditions that could be controlled by parents, while kindergarten entails a new schedule of activities, new rules of conduct and new approaches towards solving everyday problems of both children and parents.

What can we expect from adaptation?

We know that we cannot find two children who develop and react to changes in the same way, thus it is difficult to predict what will happen in the process of adaptation of a particular child to kindergarten. The process of adaptation depends on various factors, among which the most important ones are the age of children, their previous experience concerning separation from parents, relationship with parents and the way they function within the family. In scholarly literature, we can find three basic types of adaptation: easy, medium and hard adaptation.

Easy adaptation is the one in which children do not consider changes as traumatic, but rather accept the new environment usually within a period of two weeks and adapt themselves to the new daily routine and talk about kindergarten with positive emotions.

Medium adaptation implies an extended adaptation of children to the group and kindergarten. In the process of these adaptations, children need more time to accept new circumstances, to relax and go to kindergarten without fear. Medium adaptation often implies a prolonged period (a month or even a longer period), but usually it is terminated as successfully and easily as easy adaptation.

Hard adaptations are not so frequent in practice. They are conditioned by some other problems and unfavorable factors that are not connected with the enrollment in kindergarten. In the process of hard adaptation children are not able to accept the group or to adapt themselves to the rules of conduct and daily routine of kindergarten. In such circumstances, certain disorders in children’s behavior appear and the time spent in the institution does not contribute to the progress of adaptation.

Although many parents interpret the first signs of negative emotions of their children to kindergarten as hard adaptation, in practice, there are 80% of cases in which adaptation terminates within the period of two weeks. Every parent should be aware that there are no children who did not adapt themselves and that negative emotions are normal, even desirable in the first weeks of separation.

How should we prepare children for kindergarten?

Although every adaptation is approached with respect for individual differences of every child, experiences point to a certain trend concerning children’s reactions towards adaptation. Therefore, it is extremely important to prepare parents for adaptation, for if they are aware of possible flows thereof and they know what kind of children’s reactions can be expected, then their stress and fear of failure will be expressed to a lesser extent, and the very adaptation will be easier and more successful.

Advice for parents who want to prepare themselves and their children for kindergarten:

• Acquaint yourselves with the preschool teachers and kindergarten facilities.

Before enrolling your child in kindergarten you should acquaint yourself with the preschool teachers in charge of the child’s group. This encounter is very important, because on that occasion, the preschool teachers can be given significant information concerning habits and characteristics of the child and they can also introduce parents to the process of adaptation in that particular kindergarten. It is also desirable for the child to make the acquaintance of the place in which she/he will stay.

• Talk with your child about kindergarten

Regardless of how old they are, children should be introduced to the decision about the enrollment in kindergarten as soon as their parents make it. It means that parents should affirmatively talk about  nursery/kindergarten in the presence of (or to the) children, explaining them how the first day will look like and how they will spend time there, but also noting that mum and dad will come as soon as they finish their work.

• Harmonize home routine with kindergarten daily routine

Children like routines, because they feel safe therein. Therefore, it is important to be acquainted with the kindergarten’s daily routine (lunch time, sleep time, rules of conduct…) and adapt the family’s functioning thereto. The best way is to start, a few weeks before adaptation, a gradual adjustment to sleep and feeding schedule in the kindergarten (if it is different from the one at home), in order to give children enough time to adapt themselves without suffering. The children who come with an established routine from home that is similar to the one existing in kindergarten adapt themselves more easily, because they have overcome one obstacle even before entering kindergarten.

• Take your time over adaptation

Adaptation is a process that can never be 100% predictable. Therefore, during at least the first two weeks, parents need to adjust their obligations and absence from work to the time their children stay in kindergarten and pick them up at the agreed time. During the first days in kindergarten, children stay there for a short time, but nevertheless, it is extremely important that parents come to pick them up at the time agreed with the preschool teacher (e.g. in 15 minutes). In such a way, children can immediately feel that mum and dad will come, and their fear of being abandoned and left is actually the strongest fear they can face in the course of adaptation.

• Parents face their own adaptation

Although we are often unaware thereof, the attitude of parents towards kindergarten is of great significance for the success of adaptation. If parents are not sure of their decision, if they are suspicious or show negative emotions in relation to kindergarten, children will feel their fear and uncertainty, even if they talk affirmatively about kindergarten in the presence of children. It is not easy for parents to cope with their fears and sense of guilt that arise when they leave their crying child with the preschool teacher. Although their reaction is natural, at a subconscious level, it causes children to be insecure and frightened. It is recommended that the leave-taking period should be as short as possible, without an extreme outburst of emotions, for longer they are, more revealed is the uncertainty of parents. The best way to deal with the leave-taking is to tell children (regardless of their age) that we love them, that they will have fun in kindergarten and what time we will come to pick them up. Any further explanation, agreement, persuasion… makes the situation worse and creates a chaos in children’s mind, because they can see that even their parents do not control their emotions and do not consider kindergarten as a safe and the best place for their children.

Eventually we come back to the beginning – informed parents and good cooperation with preschool teachers are the most important aspects of successful adaptation. If parents know what they can expect in relation to this stressful period, if they are aware that kindergarten can make a significant contribution to the development of their child, if they are acquainted with the institution’s program and attitudes towards children, then their sense of guilt for doing something detrimental to their child will no longer exist.

Finally, there is a piece of advice for parents – try to conceive preschool institutions as your closest partners in upbringing and education of your child. Preschool institutions engage experts whose call is to work with children of your child’s age. You know your child best, but preschool teachers can help you with their knowledge and experience so that you can objectively perceive her/his strengths and weaknesses. If we know what our child can do, what he/she wants to do and what he/she is expected to do at a certain age, we can contribute to the development of her/his potential and independence in the best possible way. We should always bear in mind that we do not nurture or educate our children only for the sake of childhood but for the sake of their whole life and in order to show them how to deal with all the challenges thereof.

Milijana Lazarević

Master in pedagogy